Love Stains and a Missing Condom

New Year's Eve in Innsbruck and I had no idea what to expect. I was going to go drinking with my brother. We had only gone drinking once before a year earlier, which involved him dancing with all the ladies; playing drinking/sexual games at Senor Frogs and me -not needing games to get drunk and a girlfriend at the time - sitting at the bar alone getting tanked.

After a couple of rounds and shots of whiskey, we came across a group of four Tiroleon ladies who let us drink with them. One of the women, with a penchant for the young and curious, was definetly looking to score. She proceeded by dancing and hitting on both my brother and I. Having my eye on one of the other Fräuleins, I kindly stepped aside and let my brother, unwillingly, take one for the team. As a good brother, you're required to sleep with the least attractive woman of the group so that your brother can tap the girl he wants. (I would have done that for him, but his girl had left already :) ).
We were also joined by three obnoxious, typical Italians. They were constantly hitting on the Fräulein and the other girl. Both of the girls showed me their looks of disdain when being forced to dance with the Italians. I constantly jumped in and began dancing with them.
I then look over and see my brother leaning the one woman over the bar and smuching up and down her neck, chest, and cleavage! Jesus, I thought, I didn't know he could do that! They left not long thereafter.

With the Italian guys gone and the alcohol taking its due toll, I came to a crossroad. Time to make a decision, I thought. Either I take it easy on the drink and concentrate on the Fräulein or give up any chance of getting laid and concentrate on my drinking. A reapraisal of the situation was in dire need. My hotel room was besitzt, my brother asked for my only condom, and the Italian guys had probably warn the girls down and wouldn't take offers from any man at this point. Through the crowd, I could see the Italian guys were returning. Fuck it, I thought.

I ordered strong drink.

The girls later said thank you to me for being the only guy not hitting on them. I now knew that I had made the right decision. My reward being what? More alcohol! The girls bought me some wine and beer and kept me busy.

A few hours later my brother and the lady came back to the bar. She left soon and my brother came to me saying, "Sorry about the love stains." He smiled. He was just trying to use a typical movie cliche. He then went over to the corner and stared at the ground for an hour.
My brother, the girls, and I went back to the hotel room for some more drinks when the bar closed. After the girls left a few hours later (I think it was about 9am by now), he removed the blanket from the bed. Before me were brown stains all over the bed. Not just his bed, but mine, too!

"You bastard." I said. "Those aren't love stains. You were playing in the mud!"

"She liked it freaky, man! She freaked me out!"

"How did you get them on my bed, too?"

"I don't know"

"Why are the stains everywhere and even on the pillow?"

"I don't know"

"Please tell me you used the condom."

He bowed his head and mumbled, "I don't know."

"What do you mean you don't know? Either you used it or you didn't!"

"I don't remember."

This conversation is going nowhere, I thought. He was too drunk to actually remember anything clearly.

We then went downstairs for breakfast in the restaurant. We ran into both of our parents. They were surprised to see us up this early until they realized that we hadn't gone to bed yet. A nice, due needed breakfast and then going to bed with no sheets and no blankets sleeping on a nice scratchy surface.
A nice start to a new year.

Oh yeah, the condom, package, or a torn-off corner were never to be found. Even before the cleaning ladies!
Until then. . .

"With women you might or might not win. With Alcohol, you've already won" - Anecdotes of an Apothecary